If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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