a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
