i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You pole danced in your parka.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
