Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
