I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
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It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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