Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
