the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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