she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Rumble strips road head = magical
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
