dude i'm inner monologue high
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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