I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
