I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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