Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
