if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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