Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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