and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize