I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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