he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
