Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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