sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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