I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
