I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
