Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
