this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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