the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
