u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
