I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
try to milk me bitch
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
