Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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