My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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