More tranny stories later!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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