let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
