Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
