I want you more than these girls want KFC
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
