The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
