Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
