So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
