wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
