so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
