You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
