the condom got lost in my hair
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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