Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
