i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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