how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
