i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
