I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
