I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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