apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
