Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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