i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
