Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
