i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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