my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
