What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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