We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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