no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
