he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
