Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
