Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
