I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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