there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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