I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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