My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
