Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
