I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
