I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
