Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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