Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I queefed so loud it echoed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
