No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
