im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
