i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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