we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
