About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
