your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
